Never Forgotten
by JellyAteTheCustard
Summary: Bella and Edward were inseperable, until they suffered a huge loss. Now they are on the verge of divorce, as Bella can't seem to forget and move on from the past, but not everything can be forgotten.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: hey, this is my first fan fiction, I hope you like it! This chapter is a bit on the short side but the next ones will be longer and have more content!! **

**Thanks for reading, **

**jelly x**

Never Forgotten

Edward quickly dodged as I threw the plate at him - it smashed into a thousand sharp pieces against the wall, falling and scattering across the cold kitchen floor, I couldn't help but feel that the broken plate was like our relationship; soon there would be too many cracks to fix.

Panting heavily, I took in the mess of throwing a plate of half-eaten spaghetti at my husband. Somewhere, a weak voice - that I like to refer to as my conscience - told me I'd have a lot to clean up tomorrow. The sparsely furnished little room was now decorated in flicks of red sauce - myself being no exception - as my eyes met the reflection of a wild women, who gazed back in the window above the sink. Her black evening gown was ripped from the strain of another argument, and the brown curly hair that I shared with this stranger was sticking to her tear-stained cheeks. I ripped my gaze away from the window and turned back to where he stood, pressed against the wall on the opposite side of the room.

His green eyes bored into mine; I felt the full force of his shock at my anger but I was beyond control. I grabbed the empty wine glass.

'Get out. Get away from me Edward, and don't come back, I don't want to see your pathetic face again. Stop trying to reason with me. I'm not going to move and it makes me sick to the core to think that you'd even suggest that.' His flawless features crumpled in pain. I almost stopped shouting, but I remembered _her_ face and the desperation stole the wine glass from my hands. It flew just right of his head.

'I SAID. GET. OUT!'

His body stayed frozen like a stone statue, a mixture of anger and hurt kept his feet from leaving the room. Why wasn't he leaving? My exhausted mind couldn't understand what Edward was doing, it was like he had locked down, like he was an empty shell. Surely if he meant what he said he would be gone, out of this rented house in a heartbeat. If he meant it, he would be back in Forks, pretending like nothing happened, that the past 10 years were just a nightmare. But he wasn't, he was leaning against the wall, his body lifeless, his once smiling face a shell. My sudden fit of anger ebbed, replaced by concern and panic.

'Tell me what you're thinking,' I whispered his usual line urgently, Edwards distant eyes flashed to mine, although there was no emotion; only recognition. Hesitating, I crossed the room - too numb to notice the pain of broken glass on my bare feet - and grabbed his pale hands, a fresh river of tears streamed down my face.

'Please.' My voice cracked. A single tear found its way down his cheek to the corner of his pressed lips. I kissed it away quickly, but the gesture was awkward and unsure, it felt wrong.

My eyes darted away from him, searching the room for a distraction; and found one in the wild woman, the dark outside reflecting her like a perfect mirror from the grimy window. As I looked, I realised the wild women had been replaced, with someone else. She was small, scared and tired. Her figure was too thin, and fragile, her cheeks shallow. The darting eyes had been replaced with a lifeless brown, but when I looked past this new stranger in the window, I saw her grasping Edwards hands. Stupidly, I realised who she was, and the change made me feel nauseous.

Suddenly, everything became too much. My pale hands dug into Edwards as my knees buckled. The yellow room blurred in my vision, exhaustion and alcohol taking its toll. Dinner gave up on my inhospitable stomach and found its way on the floor to mix it's way in the shards of cheap, broken tableware. Next, my head followed suit of body parts to give up on working without sleep and food, as I drowned in the pure ease of blackness.


	2. Chapter 2

Never Forgotten, Chapter 2

I stared at the unopened letter placed in the middle of the kitchen table. Too many blurred memories were crowding my vision for me to move. Memories of shouting, anger and too much alcohol. I had to look at the calendar to remember where I had been last night. Alice's birthday; we'd gone out for drinks at a fancy bar, and she'd insisted everyone should come - her parents Carlisle and Esme, her friends from her job at the magazine, her eldest brother Edward and her supposed 'best friend' and sister-in-law; me. It should have been a lovely evening, but now, as I leant against the kitchen worktop, I remembered how wrong it had gone.

Alice had come over at lunch that day, bouncing around like usual. She wanted to help me get ready, to make sure I didn't turn up in my now omnipresent joggers and oversized black top; if it wasn't for her, I'd have spent the past 2 months as a recluse.

The plan was to go out for a meal, before meeting everyone at the new bar that Alice had been raving on about for weeks; she'd probably have gone the night it opened, but Jasper was still away fighting in a war, and her older brother Emmett and his wife Rosalie lived half way around the world - I'd never even met them. Edward was always working too much to take his little sister out, and she knew I was a lost cause. Unfortunately, I couldn't afford a meal out, so we settled for home cooked spaghetti instead - my appetite still hadn't returned so I only managed half of my meal, something that I deeply regretted today.

The bar was modern and busy, with large groups of people animatedly shouting over each other - I wasn't prepared for so much human contact, and I couldn't help but feel as if I was drowning in the sea of people. However, I still put on a brave face and smiled whenever someone looked my way. Sticking with my conscious decision to stay clear of alcohol only got me so far, lasting for the duration of the introductions, A particularly tactless woman had recognised me from the newspaper article that had been run recently, bringing up what I yearned to forget. Shots were a temporary but beautiful solution. I wasn't sober when my parents-in-law arrived. I definitely wasn't sober when Edward joined us.

I don't quite remember what happened next, but blurred images of Alice's disappointed face and various other disgusted looks from her colleagues replayed in my head. I'm not sure whether I really wanted to try and recollect what I'd done for those looks. I must have been saner by the time I'd gotten home, as I do recall Edward begging and pleading me to get a grip, to think about what I was doing, to move back to Forks. My response to his careful request caused me pain to think about; clearly he'd taken my insane screaming to 'get out' as what I really wanted, and now I was left in this tiny house alone and ashamed. Without Edward in the house, I felt even emptier. The kitchen seemed to be a curse on this family.

Not wanting to use the kitchen sink tap, I limped over to the fridge for a bottle of water; somehow, last night, I'd managed to really scratch up my feet, which were now bandaged over. The kitchen was miraculously clean, and no-one would know what had happened unless I told them. Miserably, I wondered how Edward had managed to clean the kitchen, treat my feet and pack up all of his things. It was 1 o'clock; I'd only been out cold for 9 hours. Unexpected awe for my estranged husband bubbled up inside of me, which triggered my overused tear-ducts again.

Grudgingly, I sat back down at the table, methodically removing the cap off the lid. I took a deep gulp, easing the ache in the back of my throat. The water tasted of sick, but I forced myself to drink more, knowing that my body was probably extremely dehydrated. Shaking fingers slid the letter towards me. How could something so small be so scary? But I realised that whatever was written on that folded piece of paper couldn't have been good news, otherwise he would have stuck around to tell me. A letter meant that he couldn't even talk to me face to face any more. Well, not without getting crockery thrown at him.

Heart thumping unevenly, I cautiously turned the letter addressed to me in his neat handwriting over. I slid my finger under the seal. A new wave of fear hit me as I ripped the envelope open and pulled out the paper. I felt ridiculous and pathetic, after all that had happened I was afraid of a letter from my husband. Finding courage in my ridiculousness, I flattened the letter against the plastic table and read.

_Dear Bella,_

_I love you, and will always love you. Which doesn't make what I'm about to do any easier. _

_Right now you are fast asleep in your bed, and like every other night for the past 2 months, you are completely silent. But your spoken dreams aren't the only things that I have missed. Ever since that day - which you still blame me for - you have hardly spoken. You don't hear what I am saying to you; you don't see what is happening around you. I never see a smile grace your face, as the only emotion you ever show is hurt and sadness._

_You are numb Bella, everything about you is numb. I don't even know whether I should continue to call you Bella, as I don't see her in you any more. You can only show passion about the past. The Bella I love, the Bella I married… She is gone; the Bella I chose to raise a family with is now an empty shell. _

_But I'm not the only one that misses you. Alice is in more pain then you care to realize; she's lonely and needs her friend back. She has done so much for you, been every bit the supportive friend that you have needed to lean on. Now she needs you to return that gesture; she has had no letters or news from Jasper for 3 weeks. She doesn't know whether he is dead or alive - surely you of all people can empathize. Jasper is like a brother to you when he is home, but you haven't even noticed that he is at war._

_Esme has already lost one daughter. Rosalie never calls or emails - at the moment we don't even know where she is living in England - so there is no way for us to get in contact. Our family is already breaking apart; please don't cause Esme any more pain. She treats you like a daughter; please, for her, act like one._

_As you know, Carlisle has been a doctor for the majority of his life. He has seen and diagnosed serious terminal cases and even those unfortunate people have more drive to live then you do. They still get up in the mornings, they still fight for every last minute they have on this Earth. What they lack in health, they make up for in spirit. You are broken, Bella, but you aren't beyond repair. There are 5 people in your life that want so desperately to mend you, but we can only do that if you are willing to help yourself; please, let us._

_Last night was the first time, for so long, that you showed any emotion. The numbness that has smothered you was lifted for one glorious moment. I was in shock to see you fight back, to show an opinion - even if it was about your only passion. However, it was also the first time you directly spoke my name in 2 immeasurable months, making me realise that I don't want a wife that only recognizes me when she's under the influence of alcohol. _

_I told you about moving back to Forks because I realised that we will never work things out until you are ready to give everything a fresh start. You need to learn to live again, something which you will never do when you are always waiting. I need to be able to speak about her without you grasping your stomach in an effort to hold yourself together. I, myself, have decided to move back to Forks. I'm going to live in Esme and Carlisle's house, as I can't afford a place on my own. Alice lives close by and your friends in La Push are only 15 minutes away. I don't know them well, but I do know that they are an extension of your family, and they love you just as much as we do. I know you haven't been back to Forks in over 10 years, but I think that it would be a good choice for you to be close to your family. I don't want to lose you Bella; I want to help you. And Forks is a step in the right direction._

_And so with regret, I have to force you to do something that I never would have even considered to do 3 months ago. I'm giving you an ultimatum. _

_Choose me and your family, come back to Forks and let us help you_

_Or_

_Continue to live in this rented house alone and not move on from the past. If you choose the latter, we won't bother you again._

_The only reason that I'm doing this is because I can't get through to you any more. Don't forget, I am suffering too, with guilt as well as loss and pain; you aren't the only one that misses her. I need you Bella; this is my last resort of showing you. I'm sorry that it has come to this; please understand that this is the hardest choice I've ever made._

_I love you, forever,_

_Edward_

The tears fell silently from my eyes, and dripped onto the paper. Of course he had been suffering, he needed me just as much as I needed him, and I had let him down. Just as I had let the rest of the family down. Esme, Carlisle and Alice had accepted me into their lives and treated me so well, they didn't deserve this is return. Alice was in a terrible situation and I was too selfish to care. Looking after people had been something I'd instinctively done since I was born, I couldn't help it, living with my mother had made me grow-up more quickly. And now, everything I did, everything that my personality stood for lay in ruins. I was dead, to myself and to my friends. I'd pushed them to the brink, because I couldn't handle my own pain, I couldn't deal with something that had happened so long ago.

But could I leave? Never knowing what really happened 2 months ago in this very house. Never finding answers for my questions, closure for my aching heart. I'd held on so tightly to the idea that if I left, the answers to this mystery wouldn't be solved. The police had given up; could I?

For the first time since that day in September, I walked over to the kitchen sink and looked out of the window. The garden was overgrown, neglected. It was a plain garden; I'd never taken an interest in planting anything in the empty beds on all 3 sides of the unkempt lawn. The fences were high and daunting, keeping all out from our private little world. In the centre of the lawn stood the swings - they were rusting, and weeds had started to snake around the bars. My hands automatically clasped around my stomach to hold myself together, but what was the use? I'd already lost everything in this home. People were waiting for me in Forks.

Taking a deep breath, I buried my pain in the garden, and turned away from the dirty window. I walked straight out of the kitchen, not looking back. Packing my things took very little time. Someone must have picked Edward up, as the car was still in the drive, ready for me to fill up with boxes of only the bare essentials. I kept a few photos and clothes, but left the rest behind; they were memories I didn't want to be reminded of.

It was only when I got into the car that I properly stopped and thought about what I was doing. My hand - poised to turn the ignition on - was shaking so much, I had no control. I hadn't even thought the decision through; normally I'd agonize over what was right or wrong for hours and following through with it was much easier. It seemed that everything I did these days was backwards.

There was a person on either shoulder. My heart was divided between the 2 people I loved and cared most for in the world, and the pain of having to choose between them tightened my chest, forcing me to gasp for breath. The decision should be simple. Edward was there; he was waiting for me and I needed him. Every time my thoughts even directed towards him, the broken lump in my chest started to beat again, started to live. But I couldn't just _forget_ about her. I could never forget about her. The guilt came quickly and quietly, smothering me so I could no longer see. I slumped against the wheel of the car.

Sleep must have taken my exhausted mind, for when I awoke the flashing clock on the dashboard told me it was 10:30. I was becoming nocturnal. The car door was still open and my muscles screamed at me for choosing such an uncomfortable place to dream. Confusion flooded me at first; sleeping in a car during the night was not something I'd ever really done before. It was a while before I came to my senses again, bringing with them a more decisive Bella.

I strapped myself in and started the engine, before pulling out of the now empty house. I didn't spare a second glance to the place which had caused me so much misery. My haunting dream had given the strength to choose. It would be tough, but I had been too sorry for myself, and I needed to take action. I was going to make things right again, and I was not going to cause them any more suffering.

With that fresh in my mind, I left, heading back to Forks and back to my husband.

**A/N: Hey! **

**First of all, thank you so much to everyone that reviewed, favourited and story alerted, you made me smile like the Cheshire cat!! I cannot describe to you how much you made my day, I'm new to this, so you all really gave me a confidence boost, I was so worried that I'd get hate mail or something.**

**I'd also like to say thankyou to my gorgeous beta, who just pointed out to me that it actually has taken me 2 months to update, im officially embarrassed and shamed. Next time i shall try and be quicker!!**

**If you do have any theories, questions or comments please let me know and I will respond!! The next chapter will start to get to the bottom of Bella's depressing mood and give us some explanation at how she could ever possibly throw a plate at the gorgeous Edward Cullen!!**

**Jelly xx**


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